sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
