yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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