I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
