I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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