I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You are the jesus of drinking
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
