Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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