it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize