We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
