I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
