Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
