I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
