Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Rumble strips road head = magical
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
