Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Small penises have feelings too.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
