I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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