It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
