I hate your face
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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