i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
