so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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