I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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