Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize