Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
