so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
