that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
