just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
