i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize