oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
