Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
