apparently the secret to your success is patron
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
