Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
