i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
