So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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