Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
