Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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