I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
