He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
