whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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