You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
