4 words: hood of his car
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
