I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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