Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
