I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
