she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
