Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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