I have demons in me.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
