Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
