your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
