Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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