So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
