when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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