Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
