You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
