Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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