i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
