im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
