i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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