you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
