So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
