if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
