Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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