Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
