so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
