i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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