Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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