so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
