she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
