I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
