Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
