Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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