As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
A+ Viking dick
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
