their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
