grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
