sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
