he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
