All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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