im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
