I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
