She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
