you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
