went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
