If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize