Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
